I had a long cry the other night.

The weight of waiting is something we all understand. It’s difficult when we have a desire that is out of our grasp. We can have all the faith and patience in the world, and it’s still hard.

On this particular day, I’d been at church and heard some wonderful messages. The words affirmed to my heart a calling I’ve long believed was for me, but at the same time I felt a renewed sense of weariness that I’m still in a season of waiting for God to open the doors in this area. Why do I feel so strongly that this path is for me, and yet feel held back at the same time? It’s starting to feel impossible that it will ever come to be.

So I cried. I reached out to one of my best friends and we messaged back and forth, allowing me to use up a whole pile of Kleenex without being embarrassed. It meant a lot that she held space for my grief and my hope at the same time. We circled back to the fact that though my life hasn’t played out the way I expected, it’s still been good and fulfilling—and so will any future that God has for me.

I know that as I follow Him, there will be joy. And abundance. And peace. Even if things don’t happen in my time, or if it doesn’t play out the way I would have chosen.

The uncertainty still stings. No one wants to look at their dreams and feel like they might never happen. Yet I imagine most of us have been there. Maybe, like me, you’re living there right now.

I wrestled with this for a few hours that night. Normally I’m slow at processing my emotions, but it felt important to work through the tangled feelings and come to a resolution that would allow me to rest in every sense. Rest for my body, for my spirit, for my overwhelmed soul.

I really don’t believe that God has given me this desire to never grant it. I know that nothing is impossible with Him, and He is more than capable of flinging open doors and making a way where there seems to be none. But I also know that I need to look to Him and be able to say that He is good no matter what. Even if what I long for never happens. Even if the purpose of the desire is only to draw me nearer to Him and guide me into whatever else He has for me.

Because He is good. Trustworthy. He loves me and has good plans for me.

And in this knowledge, I found peace. I told Him that I would choose whatever He has for me. “I’m all in,” I whispered.

All in.

The details of God’s plan for me are less important than knowing that they are His, and He’s chosen them in His infinite and intimate love for me. The roads may be rocky or over mountains or through deserts. I’ll have more nights where I’m crying out to Him wondering what He’s doing. There will also be times when I’m awash with joy and pure amazement. And a million moments in between when I will have the chance to practice everyday faithfulness.

Trusting Him will always be worth it. Following Him leads to living a life of greater purpose than any other choice. These are things I believe with my whole heart. Sometimes I just need to remind myself.